My puppies are now a year old.  I wasn’t writing during the events of last year, but a week after my oldest son Alex left for the Navy, and 3 days after my youngest Andrew left for a 3 week camp we had to put our 13 year old German shorthair dog, Snickers to sleep.  It broke our hearts.
I lasted about two months before I convinced my husband that we needed another dog.  And then I came home with two.  The new girls are the same breed, as Snickers; German Shorthair Pointers.  These two are named Millie and Olive and are a handful to say the least.  They swim in the gold fish pond and have dug major trenches in the yard.  They have chewed on furniture, eaten countless phone ear pieces, electronic training collars, shoes, cash from my wallet, the comforter on the bed, and a list that goes on a lot longer.  And by the time each night rolls around, we still say to each of them “You’re a good girl and I love you so.”
Love is a funny thing.  It’s one word with many meanings.  It’s not just that it means one thing to me and another to you, although that is true, but it also means one thing to me, and then can mean something different to me depending on when I’m using it.  But so often when we think about whether or not we love someone, or don’t love them as the case may be, we tend to think it has something or everything to do with the other person.  I believe it has everything to do with our own hearts and heads and the stories we tell ourselves.
I say I loved Snickers because she was a good girl.  But I love Millie and Olive who are ridiculously mischievous  girls.  It seems their behavior actually has little to do with how I feel about them, because if it did, I would have given them away to a puppy orphanage long before now.   Instead, I seem to be able to look beyond my torn up shoe and see only the adorable puppy eyes that routinely melt my heart.
I have often said to my sons “Your dad drives me bat____ crazy.  And that is precisely how I know I love him.  Because even after he has done so, I still want to be with him at the end of the day and so I know it must be love.”   It is love which allows me to look beyond the parts of him that make me want to kill him in his sleep sometimes.   I still wake up each morning despite the fact that my snoring has kept him awake most of the night.  I suspect, he too must have loving feelings for me that are stronger than sleep deprivation can break within him.  Love is a very powerful force indeed.
Think about the example of a new baby.  (or if you prefer, stick with the puppy metaphor).  But new babies are generally speaking not that attractive, even though most of us parents don’t realize that until we look at the hospital infant photo about a year later.  That new baby doesn’t do anything except cry and fill diapers.  They bring no dowry to the relationship and in fact cost us an arm and a leg.  In short, they bring nothing to the table.  And yet, we are immediately smitten with the little creatures, full of love in our hearts and eyes.  We imagine all sorts of scenarios ahead filled with joy because of the love we have for this little “soon to be person” despite the reality that he or she has done absolutely nothing to “earn” that love except show up.  But even in the anticipation of them showing up, we start growing immense feelings for them.  So how then, can it be that love comes from the outside?
Admittedly, it is difficult some times to find the feelings of love within us when the other person behaves in certain ways.  It is hard to feel loving when you’ve asked someone to do something repeatedly and they ignore you.  It’s hard to feel loving when someone behaves inappropriately.  It’s hard to feel loving when you are expecting someone and they don’t show up for you.  That is when it’s easy to say I don’t love them because of their behavior.  But their behavior is just that:  theirs.  And our reaction to that behavior is a choice we make in accordance with our expectations.  When the person does things that fulfill our expectations, we love.  When they don’t fulfill our expectations, we choose to not love.   We don’t love or not love because of their behavior, but rather because our expectations and stories are filled or disappointed.  Thus, we don’t love or not love because of who they are, but rather because of who we are.  

Thank you to the incredibly generous responses I got for my last blog.  Apparently I’m still technologically challenged and did not have the link to the web comments page working but hope I have it fixed for now.  Also, an astute reader suggested that I request you make reviews on Google rather than health grades.  I will be greedy and ask for both.  Remember, I have a few more years to work as I have puppies to feed.